Patience

Oh Axl Rose…what happened? You used to be awesome. Now, not so much. And by the way, you need to fire your hairdresser. Just let the strawberry blonde locks flow. Your cornrows are not the business. Just sayin…

So I’ve been dealing with relationships and also with patience.  The former subject I’ve enjoyed and have been growing and learning at a healthy pace. The latter…eh not so much. My friends and I would always say we weren’t gonna pray for patience because then we’d have to deal with frustrating people. I  completely (and albeit wrongly) subscribed to this theory. However this week, I have had no choice but to confront my impatience, and I don’t like it.

I have one of the greatest facades ever. I appear extremely patient and understanding, which  I really do try to be. But I seem more patient than most because I don’t say anything. My biggest pet peeves are: being late and wasted movement. If you say you’re gonna be somewhere at a certain time, either be there at that time or don’t say you’re gonna be there at that time. I understand that things come up and some circumstances can’t be avoided. But if you are habitually late because you don’t make the time to get ready, then I have an extreme problem with that. But because I roll with people who are punctually challenged, I am constantly irritated. Having no car of my own doesn’t help at all. In fact, the other day I was praying and figured it was so much easier to pray for a car than to pray for patience. Upon asking God to examine my motives (which I knew fully well), I knew I was slightly in the wrong.

But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. (James 1:4)

For so long, I have refused to let patience have her perfect work, because I liked my system a lot better. But God has been showing me that even though I liked my system, it doesn’t matter because His system is infinitely better. I completely comprehend this, I just prefer to do things my own way. Since I’ve learned in the past few months that sin = disobedience, I have some reconciling I need to do post haste.

There is something so wonderful about being comfortable, except when you’re comfortable in the wrong thing. I am comfortable being in my impatient bubble and living in my head and having the sacchrine smile. But God wants me to be real, he wants me to be who I am, flaws and everything. It’s hard to help someone when you’re unwilling to get help yourself. So I’m gonna take a step back, and pull the mask away and let have patience have her perfect work. It’s going to be a process, and I hate processes, but God will work it out and use this difficulty in me to help someone else.  Should be interesting…