Someone’s Somebody

I truly, madly, deeply love Dave Barnes. If I ever stumbled upon a nice looking guy who sang like him, I may or may not marry him on the spot…

…which seems a fitting enough segue since I’m struggling with the relationship bug yet again. I can’t pinpoint what has prompted this time, but I’m trying my hardest to examine it differently. A few days ago, my friend posted this amazing nugget of truth on how instead of singles being busy pursuing “the one”, they should become busy with becoming “the one”. I wholeheartedly endorse that statement, but after reading that I was like, “Well God, I don’t think I’m ever getting married.”

I don’t want that to become a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I do worry.

I just can’t help feeling like I’m losing time and there’s so much I’m missing out on. By all means, I don’t need a relationship to define me…I had that for 2 years and the scars are still as defiant as ever, even if they carry no more hurt. But I really do desire a relationship that will enhance me. That’s a fair thing to ask for right?

A thought that makes me giggle is if God is doing this much work on me, how much work is he doing on my husband, wherever he is? And what a pair we’re going to make! So I’ll let that thought tide me over to soothe my impatience, if ever so slightly. As such, I’ll keep looking forward to being someone’s somebody and endure the process.

 

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

…and no, I’m not talking about Christmas.

There’s only about 2 weeks left until College Football Season starts! While I am quite ready to stay in orange and blue for the next 4 months to rep my Florida Gators, I’m ready to discuss something of equally importance (or not, depending on your POV): Fine College Quarterbacks!

I was having a discussion on twitter with my friend @krissygator discussing who we thought were the cutest BCS QB’s of recent memory (my memory: about 4 years lol). We detailed our Top 5, and I thought I would reveal them to you, my dear troopers. Just now that this morning I controversially changed the order of them and am prepared to catch some flack from it. But without further ado:

Courtesy of Gator Country

#5. Trey Burton. He’s just adorable. I wanna bake him cookies and pinch his cheeks. He’s so engaging which makes him that much more endearing. He constantly talks to his fans on twitter, and he loves him some Jesus! What’s not to like? I just hope he can take better command of my Gators this year. *crosses fingers*

#4: Matt Leinart. Being from USC, he’s got the classic All-American Boy look. And he looks like he could be Christian Bale’s less crazy younger brother. The only knocks against him? Well, he was part of that awful 2006 draft class (I mean really, if we knew then what we know now, him, Reggie Bush, & Vince Young would’ve been drafted completely different.), and he’s yet to pan out as an NFL quarterback. Not quite a bust, but awfully close.

#3: Colt McCoy. While I despise most things from Texas (and I especially despise Longhorns and their fans), I can’t ignore the “aww, shucks” cuteness of Colt McCoy. Although he looks like he could’ve played the role of Chad Linus, the shy guy in 2ge+her. Just sayin.

Courtesy of Jersey Chaser

#2: Tim Tebow. Yes, I put my beloved Timmy Terrific at number 2, after labeling him the hands down #1 last night. I had to step out of the hardcore Gator fan mentality and look at it objectively. Yes he is all sorts of handsome. He has the cuteness of Burton, the aww, shucks demeanor of McCoy, and the All-American-ness of Leinart.  And he’s easily the most buff of the quarterbacks mentioned. But he’s just missing a smidge of something, which is why my #1 is…

 

  

Courtesy of GQ Magazine

 

#1: Mark Sanchez. Believe me, it pains me to give any type of credit to USC, but I have to (which I’m sure will delight my friend Rasheda tremendously). USC hasn’t done much of anything right in a long time, but Mark is easily the best looking athlete to come from there. The biggest thing that placed him above Tim Tebow all boiled down to swag. While Tebow does have some swag, Sanchez’s is on a whole different level. He just makes it effortless. A sports journalist was detailing the recent crop of rookie QBs in the NFL and said, “If Sanchez, Tebow, McCoy, all these quarterbacks were about to go out for a night on the town, they’d all toss Sanchez the keys to the car, without question.” Sanchez has been described as the Alpha Male among the Alpha Males. That’s some serious pull. And that’s why he’s my number one pick. Besides, anyone who can go from All American guy to Saint Tropez jetsetting model, simply can’t go wrong.

Courtesy of GQ Magazine

 

Who’s your top 5?

 

So yeah…

…this TOTALLY happened.

This capped off an incredible day where God simultaneously checked me and showed me how much He loves me. Did you know that God is like, crazy brilliant? I knew that too, but sometimes we just need to be reminded.

I’m so overcome with all these crazy emotions that I can’t sit still. But trust that tomorrow I will unveil the full story and process how God is doing crazy things in my life.

Just a thought to leave with you with for a bit: Isn’t it crazy how God can put Himself in impossible situations to prove how brilliant He is? Even crazier is how He allows us to be put into impossible situations just so we have no choice to sit back and watch Him work.

 

Whatcha Say Boo

I love me some Jon B. I STILL rotate Cool Relax. I like Robin Thicke, but he wishes he was that good. I’m just sayin…

It’s time for me to do my 2nd annual list of things as it’s officially 8 days until my birthday. So to kick off this adventure, I’m gonna purge some things. As the year draws to a close, everyone should re-evaluate themselves and the things and people around them. This allows you to prune and purge as necessary so that the new year can start off right. So with that being said, I’m gonna purge my boos. It is heartbreaking to do so, but it is necessary. I gotta let some of them go, if only to include some new boos for the new year. Here’s my new top 8:

Rajon Rondo

He’s tall, he’s super talented (I mean check out that RING!), and he’s got a sarcastic streak that I can wholly appreciate. Besides, he’s got family in Kentucky, and I’m not that far away! And I’ve been dying to go to Boston!

Cristiano Ronaldo

I love, love, LOVE me some Cristiano Ronaldo. He’s not the best footballer out there today, but he’s certainly one of the finest. And have you seen his exercise regimen? Only God could create something so great!

Oh Daniel Henney. His suits have been so impeccable during my new favorite drama 도망자 Plan.B and he just always looks great! (Except for when he has long hair…I need him to stay away from that!) What makes him even better is that my Korean doesn’t have to be on point for him because it’s his second language too! So I can come kick it in Korea with him and can speak only English if I wanted to? I’m down.

B. Reith

Last but not least my main boo, the main holdover from boo’s time past is my love B.Reith. I can’t let him go especially considering how close he is to me, and how perfect he is for me! I’m gonna go see him in March at a Nashville Predators game and it’s gonna be fantastic. Brian will always have a special place in my heart ha!

I know this is only 4, but it seems like an appropriate place to stop. I had a ton of boos earlier this year and it didn’t work out for the majority of them (Derek Jeter and Cortland Finnegan getting married…wack!) so I’ll keep the list small…for now.

 

Surprises

This is my favorite song by Israel Houghton right now. This has been playing as a constant loop and this song affects me so deeply each and every time I hear it.

As usual, there has been a multitude of things going on in my life. The whirlwind has been both exciting and overwhelming. There’s been a lot of pieces in my life that have fallen and I’m not quite sure what to do with them. Some pieces terrify me more than others.

The biggest surprise is this newest endeavor I’m undertaking. I can’t really say too much about it right now because it’s in the infancy stage, but it involves me finally listening to God and fulfilling the vision He’s placed in my life. For so long I’ve been struggling with God’s will for me and I’ve been trying to impose my will on Him and that’s just led to a lot of heartbreak. Now that I’ve finally stopped fighting, I can clearly see His plan for me and it’s a lot bigger than I could imagine. I’m scared to move forward, I’m utterly scared of failure, but my faith is much stronger than my fear. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to say that. So I’m going to keep working, keep trusting Him, and walk down this path He’s set before me. I’ve been on my on detour for way too long.

Speaking of detours, I’m officially out of school for at least the next 6 months. My head was not really in this class, and there was no way I could get off of Academic Probation, so I’m on Academic Disqualification. This leaves me with quite a bitter feeling, but I’m solely to blame. The more I went through the program, the more I knew that it wasn’t what I was supposed to be doing. But I can’t change things now. I have to accept the consequences of these decisions and move forward. My pride and my impatience have gotten the better of me with this, but I’ve learned invaluably from it.

From first to last You knew my days / Future and past You saw everything / When I would fail, would I would win / When I would need grace to start again / Nothing surprises You / Nothing surprises You about me Jesus

While I’m grateful that nothing surprises Jesus, I wish He would drop some hints my way when things were about to happen so I wouldn’t be surprised so much.

Case in point: completely out of nowhere, my Tag just popped back into my life with the most random of text messages. Now for those of you who don’t know, Tag is a reference from Friends which I never watched. I just co-opted the term from Black Girls Like Us and have modified it accordingly. Now my Tag is much older than me, but common sense wise he seems to be younger. The true definitive trait about the Tags of the world is that the girl should really know better than to catch feelings, but they just can’t help it. Something about Tag just pulls at you, and if you’re not careful, you’re caught in a heartbreaking trap.

So with my Tag I’ve seen him once in the past year. So many memories and images flooded me I don’t know how I could even stand to look at him without melting. But we went to Starbucks, grabbed some coffee and just talked. We’ve always had great conversations, and that was the main thing that attracted me to him. When we parted it was definitely bittersweet, but I was very much relieved. Sometimes Tags are just too much for the senses. So when he disappeared of the radar again (which he does quite frequently due to his job) I was thankful. But of course he just had to pop up out of the blue. One of my old email addresses got hacked and has been used to send spam and he apparently got quite a lot of it. So I apologized and without even thinking I said, “I miss you. We should reconnect sometime.” WHAT WAS I THINKING?! I clearly was not in my right mind. Luckily for me, his job has become quite demanding so his free time isn’t what he would like it to be. Jesus is being a fence right now. Really.

Doesn’t it quite clearly say in the Book of John (Mayer) that you have to keep running to protect your situation? Jesus be a pair of Nikes right now.  Too much is going on for me to mess it up, so I have to tread carefully.

All in all, things are really looking up for me. After 2009 I thought this year would be THE year, but it’s just more setup for next year, and I’m very excited. Hopefully I can endure some more good surprises. Lord knows I can’t handle anymore sideways surprises.

 

Music Video: B.Reith – “The Comeback Kid”

And now for something completely different.

My husband in my head (one of many anyway) B.Reith has finally dropped the new single “The Comeback Kid.” The song has a triumphant Rocky-esque quality to it, which is in fact mentioned in the song. The video takes place with Brian dropping his lines in a Boxing ring and at a press conference. the lyrics are very motivational, and his wordplay is always very clever. Best lines in the song:

Couldn’t find a hot beat so I made my own
Couldn’t find a hot street so we paved a road

Near the last time the chorus runs a crowd bum rushes the ring to kick it with Brian, and I noticed how the black girl was slick enough to slide in there first like she had an agenda. I ain’t mad at you girl! B. Reith just does somethin to the sistas lol..

With that being said, it’s a great video, and overall a great track to add to your workout playlist.

 

I Do

So after working on my paper last night I decided to stay up late and watch Ninja Assassin. My cousin told me about it forever and ever because of Rain, but I heard it was wack so I was hesitant to see it. But OMG am I glad that I did! How could I pass up seeing this for 90 minutes:

Not only did he look fantastic doing all that ninja stuff, but his english has improved TREMENDOUSLY. He’s really working hard to make it here in the States. Now if he can start working on an album that would be fantastic because his voice is amazing. I think he might have kicked Dongwan off my list. Today is my Sabbath and i just might watch Ninja Assassin again. The plot was a little ridiculous, but it wasn’t trying to win an Oscar or anything so I’m not mad about it. And he could’ve hooked up with the black girl, but he didn’t out of respect. Yeah… just wait til I get to Korea!

 

Wedding March

My good friend is getting married today, and I just had to listen to Shinhwa’s Wedding March. I put the over/under on me crying at 20.5 kleenexes

Random Relationship-based Musings on this joyous day:

1. I really don’t know  how I’m going to act at this wedding. There has only been one occaision where I haven’t cried at the wedding, and that’s because I didn’t know anyone there and I was one of only two black people attending the wedding. The other? My dad who was a groomsman. Yeah…

The last time I went to a wedding was about 2 or 3 years ago when I was a bridesmaid and in the midst of my longest/most intense relationship ever. At every wedding I simultaneously reflect and plan. At that last wedding I was reflecting on how I was in (at the time) a great relationship and how I couldn’t wait to marry my boyfriend/sorta-kinda-maybe fiance. Now that it hasn’t worked out, I couldn’t be ever  more grateful. This time around I’m sure I will reflect on that period and fight with all my might to leave the wound alone now that it’s nearly healed. But I’ll also look forward and take time to pray for my future husband.

2. Even though I have no idea when I’ll get married (or who I’ll get married to), it is never too early to start praying for my husband. Every now and then I pray that God is guarding his heart from some foolishness, and that he will be patient with the process as God develops him and builds character in him. God knows how impatient I am with this process, so there’s no telling how he’s feeling. There’s something reassuring to that thought.

3. Every so often, I think about what I want my husband to look like. And it changes ever so often. I prayed that my husband fit some archetype of the following people:

A) Adrien Brody: Unconventional, with a little bit of mystery, chameleon-like and can adapt to anything. And spontaneous. I still envy Halle Berry to this day. I’m not sayin, I’m just sayin.

B) Rodrigo Santoro: Smoldering good looks; Hispanic and can speak at least 3 languages; Quiet leading man; Always keeps you guessing. See also: Gael Garcia Bernal (Side note: And have you seen Love Actually? He’s the only reason I watch that movie every Christmas. Well him, and Hugh Grant dancing.)

C) Tyrese: A little hood but someone you can still take home to mom and laugh as he charms her to death; Lives on the borderline between dangerous and reckless. (In my defense, I had this archetype years ago when I didn’t know any better.)

D) Kim Dongwan: Korean; have a great body; can sing. That was about it. Also, this archetype was in 1999-2000.

E) B.Reith: My current (among many) boos! Symbolizes the current archetype: handsome, but not enough to spend more time in the mirror than me; sense of humor; really REALLY loves God. Baby Dwight Howard arms optional

Looking at these archetypes I see how crazy I am and I thank God that He doesn’t leave me to my own devices. Jesus has been more than a fence. He’s been my lookout and on some occasions He’s been my straight-jacket. I’m no longer overly concerned with the details, because I know God has already worked out. I talk to Him all the time about the timing, but I can live with it.

4. If there was a singleness scale where one extreme was bitter and the other extreme was defiantly proud, I can say I’m finally in the happy medium. I used to be so depressed about being single. Then I learned that there’s nothing lonelier than being in a relationship with a person that doesn’t want you. There were times where I were so proud of being single that I thought I didn’t need anyone, even God. But He knocked that chip off my shoulder really fast. Now, I’m in a really good place. While I desire companionship, I don’t crave it, don’t obsess over it. When it happens it’ll happen. Until then, I’m enjoying me and enjoying the process (more or less) of getting me together.

So now I will leave to get my stuff together and prepare to celebrate this wonderful day. And as I watch the wedding I will look back and reflect, then I will look forward to what’s ahead. Then I will come back to the present and enjoy this time for the gift it is.

 

Semi-Charmed Life

Dear Stephan Jenkins, I can’t believe this song came out in 1997. It makes me feel incredibly old. Speaking of which, I also can’t believe you’re 45. You still look great sir.

While running the other day (nike running folks get at me! @ stellabonita) this song came on and it made me smile despite the terrible pain in my knee. Right before the breakdown in the album version came the bridge and I was singing along until I heard the lyric “I believe in the faith that grows..” Although the song carried right on into the breakdown (which is the best part of the song btw) mentally I stopped and chewed on it for a bit. Several questions came to mind, few of which have ever been answered: Is my faith growing? Does faith even grow, or are we given a determined amount? Does my faith affect me or do I affect my faith? That last question gave me the most pause.

I struggle with my faith on a daily basis, which I’m sure most people do. However I struggle with my faith over unimportant things and for the life of me I can’t understand why. There are things I know that I should be doing and I fully understand what those things are and why I need to be doing them. But nine times out of ten, I don’t. It’s this crazy mix of fear, apathy and insecurity that forms potholes in my walk with Christ that seem to grow bigger by the minute. At this point it is clear that I am affecting my faith instead of the other way around. I KNOW that I have this thing all backwards, but I’ve yet to figure out how to fill these potholes.

My life is semi-charmed because I have this great facade up that fools most people. I know how to be a chameleon and be what people want me to be (or assume I am) at any given moment. I can flip the switch between sociable, intellectual, vulnerable, secure, fill in the blank with no problems whatsoever. But peel  those layers back and there is a person whose wheels are always turning, always thinking, always worrying, always trying to solve the great crisis of the moment, knowing that other crises are around the corner. The biggest crisis that needs to be solved is how to stop affecting my faith so it can affect me. To this point, I’ve been determined to let this problem sit in the background while I put out lesser, unimportant fires.

In 1 Timothy 6:12, Paul tells Timothy to “Fight the good fight of faith…” The word fight is akin to a military conflict. You really do have to fight for your faith, but you have to have a strategy, a contingency plan, a general plan of action to keep and increase your faith. This is probably my biggest struggle. I don’t like to fight period. I’m indeed a lover, not a fighter. I avoid confrontation like a fat kid avoids P.E. class.  I never saw the point in fighting. If someone wanted something bad enough that they had to fight for it, I’d just let them have it, because there’s nothing that important worth fighting for.

But there’s a big difference between fighting for a boy and fighting for your faith. Your faith is  literally worth life and death. So I’d say that’s pretty important.  With this revelation in mind, I think I’ve finally solved the major crisis of my life. But finding the answer to a problem and actually using that answer to solve the problem are two different things. Here’s to hoping I take the steps to solving the problem…

 

Vultures, Pt. 2

As I mentioned earlier, God has really been dealing with me about the Armor of the Spirit. He’s pointed out all of the chinks in my armor and I have a LOT of work to do. My prayers have been lackluster at best, nonexistant at worst, because I don’t know how to deal with it. God has never talked so bad to me before and I don’t like it. I have (wrongly) adopted the mentality that I will talk to Him when He starts being nicer to me.  I can however appreciate the irony in this change of pace and role reversals of sorts. During past prayers I would talk to Jesus and throw up deuces when I was done and had to be on my way. For the past two weeks, God has CLEARLY been talking to me and I’m so ashamed and bewildered that I have no comeback.

Don’t you hate it when you know you need to do something, but you don’t like people telling you what you need to do? Yeah…

So doing some research on the Armor of the Spirit, God has really been stressing having my loins girded with truth. As I re-read Ephesians 6, I noticed that this was the first piece of armor mentioned and I was curious as to why. After digging through some commentaries, I learned that when Roman soldiers prepared for battle, the belted their waists first. The belt held all of the other armor.

Stop the presses.

Thinking about it now it makes perfect sense. How can we have righteousness, salvation, faith, without Truth? And how we can we successfully use our Sword of the Spirit if we don’t have a revelation about it?

This whole time I’ve been running to protect my situation, but haven’t had a clue why I was running, or what I was trying to protect for that matter.  Out of the parallels to armor Paul made in Ephesians, he didn’t mention any armor that covers your back. I’m pretty sure this is because you’re not supposed to be running from the enemy.

If God has been dealing with me this much just on the first piece of Armor, I can only imagine what the rest of the Armor will be like. I am, however, ready to stop running. I’m ready to fix my armor and get back to what’s important.